the crux

“ Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them "

The ability to truly grasp the beauty in every situation, however dire it may be. That’s something I’ve lost for almost a decade now.

I try and I tried, but that was as good as it ever got. Seeing was one thing, and believing was another. Seeing doesn’t mean much when you don’t truly believe in it. It’s nothing but a swift plaster to an open wound while infection festers underneath. It’s a temporary remedy at best but a lie at its core and the hardest lies to believe are the ones we tell ourselves.

Writing this in a place I fled from feels strangely ironic. It jabs at my heart and neurons in an inexplicably taunting manner while veiling me with a soothing semblance of comfort.

My worst decisions have been the best for me in the same ways my best decisions have been the worst for me. Laughable isn’t it?

I’ve known this for a very long time, that everything in life is a double edged sword. Nothing is ever really black and white but rather just different shades of grey. If you search deeply enough within the most depraved soul, you’d find a modicum of light to embrace. But do you want to? I think that’s what matters after all.

Do I want to? That’s the crux.

It’s both a blessing and a curse to see the duality in every situation, every person and every train of thought. It’s a wild goose chase to run circles around myself, but where I choose to stop is all the difference I need. The tipping point on the tightrope to find myself in a reality of heaven or hell.

I choose to see flowers.

x