gaping wound

It feels like a huge gaping wound of mine finally closed up. Exposure therapy at its finest. I’ve been struggling to make sense of it for so long, too long. Yet I never could.

Psychology would explain it the best - nothing more than chemical reactions of a trauma bond. Perhaps that’s all that it really was because I’ve been stuck in time for years now, everything since then has been a blur yet those moments remained disgustingly vivid.

A golden nugget plucked out of ‘The Body Keeps The Score’ - the worst thing that can happen to you in the face of trauma is neither ‘fight’ nor ‘flight’, but ‘freeze’. Your body remembers the helplessness and your mind is forced to relive it.

What a strange and long lesson this has been. It felt like an endless loop of trying to make sense of shapes, and suddenly, it all concluded. Unexpectedly and abruptly. It just did.

Sometimes, you never get a ‘sorry’. Although I’ve learnt that a ‘sorry’, however sincere it may be, at times, amounts to nothing. Some wounds heal with time, but others can only be painted over.

At least this, was one that could be healed.

I wrote something recently

“ Safe haven was a foreigner, one I never knew.

Take five steps away from me, closeness I eschew”

I feel it more so now then I did then but time, has started to flow again.

I’ll take the win.